Numbed Memories
by Envious Sloth
Summary: My interpretation of Nathan's involvement with Rachel's disappearance


"Fucking shit." I muttered under my breath, as I take another drag of the cigar. From the porch of the boy's dormitory, I sat and stared down the walkway, thinking about the week that just finished. I'm constantly shaking my leg, hearing my heel hit the ground at such a quick pace. All my bones and muscles ache — from what, I wouldn't know. Then, I closed my eyes taking in another breath of the cigar to sink back in my mind.

Tuesday — 3:05 AM

Again, I find myself awake with bleary eyes looking at this stupid plain ceiling. Again, I tried to run away in my sleep: an empty bottle of whiskey strewn on the floor. The projector continued playing a silent film: the blurs of black, gray, and white blinding me as I sat up on my bed. Pushing the sheets away, I turned over to my clock: 3 AM. Damn, too early per the norm. It's practically become a routine of waking up this goddamn early, and as much as I want to sleep forever, here I am again.

A soft chime is heard by the clock followed by a glowing screen — my phone. Reaching over, I grabbed my phone to see the notification, and to my horror, it was him again: the stupid goatee, four eyed old geezer. Fucking great. I dropped my phone in bitterness and let out a groan, falling back onto the bed, left to stare back at the plain ceiling. Things could have been easier if I didn't go, right? Things wouldn't be so fucked over if I didn't go at all, right? I wish I could, but there's something that's dragging me inside, like invisible hands clasped so tight around me. I didn't know what exactly was dragging me there; I just went anyways.

So, I find the strength to get up with aching limbs and get out of the building. I didn't change my clothes – what's the point? I fell asleep in yesterday's clothing anyway. It all didn't matter: I just needed to go meet him.

3:56 AM

After picking him up, we head off to the old barn in the woods. Once I parked, he simply took off into the dark room. Slowly and hesitantly, I followed after him, knowing exactly what was going to happen. I knew because when I was driving down here, I noticed he had his translucent gloves on, preparing for the deeds he has left to do. The cold air of the night creeped around me, making it harder to breathe as I entered the barn and eventually in the dark room.

The air in the dark room was far colder, though. My body would always grow numb whenever I entered, but after being in here many times, I've grown used to the numbing sensation. Chills ran down my spine, looking at the brightly lit area of the room: the photoshoot setting. I know there's something wrong about this, but I can't help but feel in awe by the professional settings and whatnot. It's agitating me – the many feelings I'm having, and it doesn't help that I've hardly had any sleep.

"I'd like to introduce you to our 'model' of the night," His poisonous voice echoes in the room. Turning from the setup, I look toward his desk and out comes her. The wondrous spirited girl is dwindled down into nothing but tears under a mess of hair. Her wild character tied down and tortured by the ropes wrapped tightly around her reddened ankles and wrists. My eyes widen. I stumbled and fell onto a nearby table, weakened by the sight of her. Air is knocked from my lungs. My breath's unsteady, quivering every time I heaved. "Are you ready?"

I couldn't speak up. I was choking on the burning feeling in my throat. I kept my eyes on her and she looked back at me in desperation… or disgust. I was stunned – paralyzed in my stance, watching as he dragged her to the setup. My mouth agaped. Her eyes still keen and steady on me.

"You know what to do, right?" He walked up to me and patted my shoulder before leaning in and whispering, "You wouldn't want to disappoint, right?" My breathing quickened in pace. Tense in my stance, I didn't know what to do. I whispered her name under my shaky breath. Head's aching. I grabbed my head and scratched. No no no no no no no! I can't. I can't do this. No! Not again. My arms are shaking violently. I can't control them. I grinded my teeth.

"I don't –" I tried to raise my voice but it only comes out as squeaks. "I don't want to do this." I feel myself beginning to choke on tears as he started moving closer. His grin suddenly changed into a dark grimace. No, please. I backed up in fear. "You c-can't make –

I felt a kick in my side and I coughed. The numbing sensation abruptly changed into pain. He kept kicking away at my side until I fell over and more tears began to fall. Then, I saw it: a malice smile. He enjoyed it, kicking me back and forth and seeing me cry. When he stopped, he bent down and grabbed at my collar before whispering.

"Nathan, you must. If you do, I'd be grateful for your help. But if you refuse," he turned to look at Rachel, fiery in her eyes, "I won't hesitate to kill you with her." I gasped and shuddered the more I heard his venomous voice. I had to. I had to do it. He'd be grateful for my actions. For once, someone's grateful — for me. I needed to satisfy him, then I'd be happier. I wouldn't need to do this anymore. Right?

Eventually, he let me go with a smirk on his face. He knew I was going to do it. With unsteady legs, I stood up to get the syringe. I filled the syringe with the drug and slowly walked to Rachel. Her red eyes are filled with so many tears. She scootched away from me as I grew closer, making me stop in my place.

"Nathan..." Her once-strong voice came out in a weak whisper, "You're better than this. You know this is bad. You're stronger than this!" Her voice grew louder.

"Don't listen to her, Nathan," he dismissed her comment and continued to watch from behind.

"Nathan, look at me," Rachel's sweet voice beckoned, "It doesn't have to be like this. You're stronger than this, okay? Don't listen to him."

"Rachel..." I choked. I couldn't focus at all. My head's swimming in so many voices. Too many orders. I grabbed my head and cowered down. I let out a scream. "I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't—"

"Enough." He sighed in frustration. Stomping over to me, he grabbed my collar and threw me to the side. "This is taking too long." He took the syringe from my hand and grabbed Rachel. I hear Rachel's shouts for me over my sobs, but I can't do anything in stance. I cower in my corner and watch as she's drugged. I'm sorry. I can't fight him, Rachel. I'm not strong enough. I can't do it.

I can't see anything: the tears blurring my vision. I only saw blotches of figures and flashes here and there. Moans and wailing from her. Frustration. Sadness. Confusion. Hatred. All blurred into one scene. I can't focus. My head hurts too much to focus. Her wailing is getting louder and louder, and I couldn't do anything for her. I buried my face in my arms in shame. I'm so sorry, Rachel.

Then, the screams become silent. No more. Nothing. I didn't look up, but I heard him coming closer. He crouched down and whispered again in such a bittersweet tone.

"The next time you don't listen to me," I felt a sting in my neck, and whatever sense I felt within me vanished. "You won't be leaving the dark room." I felt myself being dragged, my legs scraping against the cold concrete beneath me, and my eyes are burned by the sudden bright light. I crane my neck to look to the side, and there I see a large red blotch surrounding me. I wanted to know what it was (and maybe I did know), but my brain was aching and all I could do was give in to the pain.

Soon, I felt myself being lifted up, away from the bright light and into the darkness, but I couldn't care less. I was already feeling numb and my vision alone had already thrown me into pitch black.

Present Time - 5:00 AM

I take another drag of the cigarette and let the smoke burn my lungs. I look up at the bright moon and it seemed like it was mocking me for my stupidity. My thoughts are starting to get fuzzy now, and my body's aching a whole lot. I lay back and take another drag, resting my head on my arm. "Another shitty day."


End file.
